As his razor sharp teeth begin to slice through my green bumpy skin, I try to defend myself but to only realize that I have no arms.... and no legs..... I can only pray for the best....
At this moment my life flashed before my eyes; the times back on the good ol' cucumber shrub.... Being picked and harvested by the sweaty hands of those wretched pale skinned beings..... I can't believe it is already my time to be "consumed". I was only plucked from my vine a week ago, and in that glass cylinder full of liquid (that smells like stinky socks) for a few days! All of my best friends were in that jar! The humans never knew it, but we would party all night long! I never would have guessed but Lucie was a great singer! Those were the good ol' days....
I still am unable to grasp the concept of not ever returning to the jar. "I am too young to die", I try to squeal but the mouth that clamps around my body muffles my squeaky voice. The elders on the farm once told me that a pickle's dream "is to one day be succulent and tasty for the one who has the pleasure of digesting my soul". With these words in mind I relax my muscles to ensure that I will not be too crunchy. He begins to chomp his jaw down at full force, and I feel my body being separated into small pieces. As his tongue pushes us back to be swallowed, I realize that there is no way that i am going down without a fight. Despite what the wise ol' cucumbers once said, I tense my being and try to make this sucker choke and die. The sound of this idiot's gagging and hacking noises are like music to my ears. I force myself upward and he begins to wretch. he spews me onto the counter and I shout with joy as he scoops me into his hand. I brace myself for the moment when I am splashed down back into the jar. Boy am I happy! As he passes the jar I can only muster one thought..... I am being thrown into the garbage.
The months in the dumpster weren't so bad. Once you get used to the smell of mold and mil due you can actually get quite comfortable and feel at home. I met my new best friend Larry the banana peal there! I had trouble finding my pieces but fortunately my head is still intact. At least I didn't have to be in the bowels of the murderer who tried to swallow me.........
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Middle School Explained
Dear reader,
Most parents say that they know what school is like today when really, they have no idea.....
Times have changed since the computer has been invented, and nowadays, life has gotten ten times easier because most of our classes depend on the use of laptops or computers. For instance, in English writing we ONLY use laptops. Don't get my wrong, I am defiantly not complaining because I find it way faster to type rather than hand write every single. I am only pointing out how times have changed. Supposedly, in a dozen or so years we are going to have jobs for problems that haven't been even thought of. Can you imagine how more sophisticated school is going to get?!
Technology isn't the only thing that differs school from now to the past. Parents tend to complain on how hard their job is and how much money they waste on gas and taxes, but school is harder than they imagine it to be. First of all, teachers give out an excruciating amount of homework and don't realize that we have other teachers who give out the loads of homework too. Then we come home to only sit down on the table to have to do a mountain of schoolwork. That leaves no time for our social life which brings me to my second topic.
I am not talking about myself but as you are walking down the halls, it is easy to tell the amount of bullying that takes place. Honestly I think bullying at gms is not so bad but even the slightest of discrimination means that someone will be sad.
I can't complain though at how many of the topics that we study seem aren't half bad. At times, class can be boring when the teacher is lecturing us on topics that seem to be completely irrelevant to our future years, but for the most part, the topics are quite interesting. Especially in Social Justice we get to learn about problems that are actually happening today!
The only the thing that pulls me to the decision of not liking school is the morning routine. I dislike having to wake up at 6:30/7:00 to have to go to school for eight hours. The only reason that I get up to go to go to school is to see my friends.
In simple terms, middle school has changed since prehistoric times and parents never know what to expect.
For those to attend middle school next year, I have come up with a short survival guide to keep you alive and well for the next three years....
Lesson #1
To keep yourself from falling asleep during class never get into a comfortable position to begin with. If you can't help but lay your head down, occasionally pinch yourself to assure that your eyes will not close. If your teacher is sooo boring that you have nothing else to do follow lesson 2
Lesson #2
When teachers are to boring to pay attention to and are making no sense what so ever, there are endless options of what to do to keep you occupied for the next hour and a half. One is to make up jokes. How else to you think famous comedians got their time to write their all of their hilarious jokes?! Another option is to play a game that I like to call...... Well I haven't thought of a name for it yet but the basic strategy is to:
-Place the lid of a pen face up on the ground
-Lean your forehead on the edge of the desk
-Then try to drop the pen into the lid
-Try to drop it from different heights and angles
If the class is boring but you know that what the teacher is explaining is going to be on a test, here are some key points of when to take notes......
Lesson #3
Believe it or not, there are some unproven ways to know when to take notes during an excruciating lecture. Always look for excited and enthusiastic facial expressions because they tend to want to make you remember the things that they found interesting. Also if for some reason they wave their arms and begin to make a lot of hand gestures, that is the key point in time to take notes. The last tip is to realize if he/she has repeated the same thing a few times that is a good time to write the thing down.
Most parents say that they know what school is like today when really, they have no idea.....
Times have changed since the computer has been invented, and nowadays, life has gotten ten times easier because most of our classes depend on the use of laptops or computers. For instance, in English writing we ONLY use laptops. Don't get my wrong, I am defiantly not complaining because I find it way faster to type rather than hand write every single. I am only pointing out how times have changed. Supposedly, in a dozen or so years we are going to have jobs for problems that haven't been even thought of. Can you imagine how more sophisticated school is going to get?!
Technology isn't the only thing that differs school from now to the past. Parents tend to complain on how hard their job is and how much money they waste on gas and taxes, but school is harder than they imagine it to be. First of all, teachers give out an excruciating amount of homework and don't realize that we have other teachers who give out the loads of homework too. Then we come home to only sit down on the table to have to do a mountain of schoolwork. That leaves no time for our social life which brings me to my second topic.
I am not talking about myself but as you are walking down the halls, it is easy to tell the amount of bullying that takes place. Honestly I think bullying at gms is not so bad but even the slightest of discrimination means that someone will be sad.
I can't complain though at how many of the topics that we study seem aren't half bad. At times, class can be boring when the teacher is lecturing us on topics that seem to be completely irrelevant to our future years, but for the most part, the topics are quite interesting. Especially in Social Justice we get to learn about problems that are actually happening today!
The only the thing that pulls me to the decision of not liking school is the morning routine. I dislike having to wake up at 6:30/7:00 to have to go to school for eight hours. The only reason that I get up to go to go to school is to see my friends.
In simple terms, middle school has changed since prehistoric times and parents never know what to expect.
For those to attend middle school next year, I have come up with a short survival guide to keep you alive and well for the next three years....
Lesson #1
To keep yourself from falling asleep during class never get into a comfortable position to begin with. If you can't help but lay your head down, occasionally pinch yourself to assure that your eyes will not close. If your teacher is sooo boring that you have nothing else to do follow lesson 2
Lesson #2
When teachers are to boring to pay attention to and are making no sense what so ever, there are endless options of what to do to keep you occupied for the next hour and a half. One is to make up jokes. How else to you think famous comedians got their time to write their all of their hilarious jokes?! Another option is to play a game that I like to call...... Well I haven't thought of a name for it yet but the basic strategy is to:
-Place the lid of a pen face up on the ground
-Lean your forehead on the edge of the desk
-Then try to drop the pen into the lid
-Try to drop it from different heights and angles
If the class is boring but you know that what the teacher is explaining is going to be on a test, here are some key points of when to take notes......
Lesson #3
Believe it or not, there are some unproven ways to know when to take notes during an excruciating lecture. Always look for excited and enthusiastic facial expressions because they tend to want to make you remember the things that they found interesting. Also if for some reason they wave their arms and begin to make a lot of hand gestures, that is the key point in time to take notes. The last tip is to realize if he/she has repeated the same thing a few times that is a good time to write the thing down.
Lesson #4
Last but not least the last tip is how to avoid being bullied. A main way to avoid being bullied is to avoid grade nines and some grade eights. If you see them in the halls walk around the edges and never EVER bump into one of "them".
If you follow these four lessons, middle school will come as easy as pie. This letter has been concluded!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Story including my favorite plus 3 words
It was an AMAZING morning with the sun shining its COLOSSAL beams of radiant light. The nerd would have been frolicking in the flowers outside if it wasn't for his obsession of YouTube videos. At the moment, he was watching a SPOOF on how to DECAPITATE a donkey's head. This PARODY was only considered to be funny by him because on the CONTRARY, it was completely ludicrous. Once the video was over he decided to spend his time more wisely...... He would play MONOPOLY. Having no one to play with, he picked up the phone and decided to call his GNARLY friends (which were only imaginary). With his imaginary friends he grabbed the game board down from the top shelf and placed the dice into his hands in a suspicious position. He shook his hands and released the dice. As they flung through the air he screamed at the top of his lungs that he would get snake eyes. His imaginary friends gazed in amazement as the dice revealed two ones..... BLASPHEMY! How could he predict the future?! At that very moment.... a TSUNAMI ripped through the windows of the nerds basement. Gasping for air, the nerd reached around the room to find a steady object to hold onto. Sooner or later, he grasped his hands around the bathroom pipe. Determined to wait out this storm, he closed his eyes and paced himself for the next wave. As it crashed against the walls, it flung him into the wall and knocked him unconscious......
In the distance a MAGNILOQUENT voice could be heard. As it drew near the words could be heard, "Is anyone alive?" The nerd rose to his knees and tried to speak but only foul sea water spewed from his mouth. The voice could be heard againg, and again, and again... Until he stopped SURREPITIOUSLY. The nerd looked up and gazed in awe at the figure of a tall muscular man. From this point on, the nerd respected and followed this man like a MYRMIDON. They lived happily ever after.
In the distance a MAGNILOQUENT voice could be heard. As it drew near the words could be heard, "Is anyone alive?" The nerd rose to his knees and tried to speak but only foul sea water spewed from his mouth. The voice could be heard againg, and again, and again... Until he stopped SURREPITIOUSLY. The nerd looked up and gazed in awe at the figure of a tall muscular man. From this point on, the nerd respected and followed this man like a MYRMIDON. They lived happily ever after.
My Top Ten Favorite Words
1. Blasphemy
2. Spoof
3. Colossal
4. Gnarly
5. Parody
6. Amazing
7. Contrary
8. Decapitate
9. Monopoly
10. Tsunami
3 Brand NEW Words
- Magniloquent (to speak extravagantly)
- Myrmidon (loyal follower who executes orders immediately)
- Surrepitiously (to be done in stealth or silently)
2. Spoof
3. Colossal
4. Gnarly
5. Parody
6. Amazing
7. Contrary
8. Decapitate
9. Monopoly
10. Tsunami
3 Brand NEW Words
- Magniloquent (to speak extravagantly)
- Myrmidon (loyal follower who executes orders immediately)
- Surrepitiously (to be done in stealth or silently)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Burnt-out Little Christmas Light
I was beaming a prominent ray of green light into the cold air of a winter night when suddenly.....my ever glowing light flickers and then turns off. I look around to see if it was time to go back into the box for those dreadful eleven months but to my surprise I see the rest of my friends to my right and left still glowing bright. Astonished at what just happened, I shake vigorously in the chilly wind trying to get voltage back into my innards. An imaginary tear runs down my bulb when I realize my time, has come and gone.
I used to be the brightest of the bunch until the time my light bulb sizzled out. My light was always brighter and my life longer..... But now, I hang on the edge of the the window sill waiting until I will be thrown out and replaced. I know now that I had the best life I could have ever imagined... The time I was constructed at the electrician shop........ The thrill I felt the first time my cord was plugged.... How the energy flew through my metal coils...... All the people who stared in amazement at my bright light....... "good times, good times" I think to myself.
In the last few moments of my life, I wait in dread to be ripped off of this long cord and replaced by a much younger and more "efficient" rookie. I knew that I wasn't very energy efficient but who cares?! I was always the brightest and the most easily recognized bulb on the house. The Christmas lights in the house across the street would flash their lights to welcome me into a new season of hanging on the window sill. That was until I burned out.
During my sorrow, I hadn't realized a monstrous hand had already screwed me off of the long, electrical cord and placed me into a bucket filled with other "useless" Christmas lights. From the time that I was constructed I knew that this moment would come....... Only I didn't know it would happen so soon.
I see the other bulbs around me being lifted out, one-by-one, and never returning back to my side. I can't stand the thought of being thrown into the recycling to be molded, melted and mutilated into another one of those plastic bottles. Ready for my turn, I position myself into the reach of the grasping hand. Sure enough it finds me and I am carried to a work table....... A WORK TABLE?! "Why a work table?", I think to myself as I feel the sudden, sharp pain of my bulb being ripped out of its socket. I grimace at the sting of a thousand needles, while I wonder ,"Why in the world have they not thrown me into the trash already"?! As I pant trying to regain my breath, I feel the soothing heat of a saudering gun melding my coils and wires into a new light bulb. That's when it hits me........ I am not going to be thrown out and replaced! My circuits shock at the joy of being set back onto the window sill to fulfill yet another year of decorating the Johnson's house. I think to myself what a wonderful year it has been, and definitely the most unforgettable...... at that moment my happiness fades as I see the color of my new bulb..........pink...........
I used to be the brightest of the bunch until the time my light bulb sizzled out. My light was always brighter and my life longer..... But now, I hang on the edge of the the window sill waiting until I will be thrown out and replaced. I know now that I had the best life I could have ever imagined... The time I was constructed at the electrician shop........ The thrill I felt the first time my cord was plugged.... How the energy flew through my metal coils...... All the people who stared in amazement at my bright light....... "good times, good times" I think to myself.
In the last few moments of my life, I wait in dread to be ripped off of this long cord and replaced by a much younger and more "efficient" rookie. I knew that I wasn't very energy efficient but who cares?! I was always the brightest and the most easily recognized bulb on the house. The Christmas lights in the house across the street would flash their lights to welcome me into a new season of hanging on the window sill. That was until I burned out.
During my sorrow, I hadn't realized a monstrous hand had already screwed me off of the long, electrical cord and placed me into a bucket filled with other "useless" Christmas lights. From the time that I was constructed I knew that this moment would come....... Only I didn't know it would happen so soon.
I see the other bulbs around me being lifted out, one-by-one, and never returning back to my side. I can't stand the thought of being thrown into the recycling to be molded, melted and mutilated into another one of those plastic bottles. Ready for my turn, I position myself into the reach of the grasping hand. Sure enough it finds me and I am carried to a work table....... A WORK TABLE?! "Why a work table?", I think to myself as I feel the sudden, sharp pain of my bulb being ripped out of its socket. I grimace at the sting of a thousand needles, while I wonder ,"Why in the world have they not thrown me into the trash already"?! As I pant trying to regain my breath, I feel the soothing heat of a saudering gun melding my coils and wires into a new light bulb. That's when it hits me........ I am not going to be thrown out and replaced! My circuits shock at the joy of being set back onto the window sill to fulfill yet another year of decorating the Johnson's house. I think to myself what a wonderful year it has been, and definitely the most unforgettable...... at that moment my happiness fades as I see the color of my new bulb..........pink...........
Monday, November 30, 2009
Epic Snowball Battle
As I bolt across the battlefield, snowballs whiz by my ears. Each snowball that passed beside my body brings me closer and closer to death. Utterly terrified I fling myself over the edge of the snow ridge and slump myself down beside my comrade John. I scream to be heard above all the commotion ,"gather up men to flank the enemy position and cause a distraction to give us a chance to ambush their base!". John's head nods in approval. He screams coded commands and within seconds our plan is taking flight. Three soldiers stand in front of us completely at my command. I raise my hand and give some signals to follow me around the backside of a large home. As we slowly crouch our way around the house I notice the sound of footsteps from nearby scouts. I motion my hand to "drop to the ground" and without a trace we are hidden beneath the snow. Momentarily we wait until the enemy is right above us. At that point I reach my hand up and pull him towards the ground. John does the same to the other scout. "Easily taken care of" I whisper. We crawl until the sight of an enemy base is in view. The five of us discuss our needed plan and begin to put it in play. John and the other three men wait around the corner of the entrance to the base while I go into step foot into the base. As I yell ,"HEY! Over here!" I notice only four men inside! They all run toward me and I stumble outside to join John and the other soldiers. They bolt out the door and come out to see five men (John, the three soldiers and I), snowballs in hand. Immediately they drop to their knees in surrender and I think to myself "Job well done". Little did I know that they had anticipated this attack and already had people waiting on the far side of the enemy base. As ten soldiers pop their head out from around the enemy base I realize that not only had our mission failed, but we had little chance of survival. I look to my left and already the three soldiers were twenty yards away! The fourteen enemy soldiers open fire and their ammunition was not snowballs....... They were flinging ice balls! I stumble to my feet and John does the same. As we try our best to dodge the bullets, I hear a shriek in pain as I look to my left to see John laying on the ground. Blood oozes from a wide wound on his temple and in a faint voice I hear, "Go on....... without...... me Simon......". "I CAN"T LEAVE YOU HERE!". "You have... to go on Simon...... You'll die if you.. stay here." "No matter what happens I will get you home!" I flop him over my shoulder and begin to run as best as I can with the extra weight. Being pelted with snowballs I can't let go of my friend. We almost reach my base when my vision goes black and I can no longer hear the sounds of snow hitting snow or the shouts of other men...... I feel my legs turn to jelly and fall to my hands and knees. The sharp and sudden pain of a smack across my face brings me to reality. "SIMON! STOP FANTASIZING AND HELP ME BUILD A SNOWMAN!" I hear my brother yell at the top of his lungs. So much for that snowball fight...........
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
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