The Life Of a Pickle

As his razor sharp teeth begin to slice through my green bumpy skin, I try to defend myself but to only realize that I have no arms.... and no legs..... I can only pray for the best....
At this moment my life flashed before my eyes; the times back on the good ol' cucumber shrub.... Being picked and harvested by the sweaty hands of those wretched pale skinned beings..... I can't believe it is already my time to be "consumed". I was only plucked from my vine a week ago, and in that glass cylinder full of liquid (that smells like stinky socks) for a few days! All of my best friends were in that jar! The humans never knew it, but we would party all night long! I never would have guessed but Lucie was a great singer! Those were the good ol' days....
I still am unable to grasp the concept of not ever returning to the jar. "I am too young to die", I try to squeal but the mouth that clamps around my body muffles my squeaky voice. The elders on the farm once told me that a pickle's dream "is to one day be succulent and tasty for the one who has the pleasure of digesting my soul". With these words in mind I relax my muscles to ensure that I will not be too crunchy. He begins to chomp his jaw down at full force, and I feel my body being separated into small pieces. As his tongue pushes us back to be swallowed, I realize that there is no way that i am going down without a fight. Despite what the wise ol' cucumbers once said, I tense my being and try to make this sucker choke and die. The sound of this idiot's gagging and hacking noises are like music to my ears. I force myself upward and he begins to wretch. he spews me onto the counter and I shout with joy as he scoops me into his hand. I brace myself for the moment when I am splashed down back into the jar. Boy am I happy! As he passes the jar I can only muster one thought..... I am being thrown into the garbage.
The months in the dumpster weren't so bad. Once you get used to the smell of mold and mil due you can actually get quite comfortable and feel at home. I met my new best friend Larry the banana peal there! I had trouble finding my pieces but fortunately my head is still intact. At least I didn't have to be in the bowels of the murderer who tried to swallow me.........