Scaredy Student

It was a plain old, average day at middle school. As usual I was dreaming of unicorns, rainbows and fluffy clouds when I wake to the sound of my teacher, Mr. Hayhurst, screaming at the top of his lungs "TIMMY! WAKE UP!". Just like every other day I was dead tired ALL THE TIME! People are constantly questioning me"why are you so tired" but I always answer with a "I dunno"............. No one knows the truth......... I can NEVER EVER tell them the truth.....................

Hi, my name is Timothy Hankens and I have a confession...... There is a monster under my bed. I had absolutely no idea this monster existed until I saw the shocking , revealing movie "The Monster Under My Bed". Ever since viewing that terrifying film, I haven't slept in my bed for months on end. My average night-time routine is to brush my teeth and then "PRETEND" to go to bed when actually I sneak back up stairs to the living room. I plop myself down onto the couch and hit the power button on the remote. I soundlessy watch T.V. ALL NIGHT! By the time everyone starts to get up I have already swiftly snuck back downstairs into my room. As if nothing suspicious happened I slowly walk out of my room casually yawning and pretending I just woke up from a long sleep. No one suspects that I was up all night!
This plan works like a charm until I set foot through the main entrance of my school. Instantaniously my body is flushed with a sense of sleepiness and suddenly my legs turn to wobbly spaghetti strands and I have trouble standing up! That's why books come in handy....... Once I get into my first class I find the largest text book on the shelf and place it on the center of my desk. After that I grab my gray sweater, fluff it into a pillow, and I am off to slumber land. Most of my teachers are complete morons and are so oblivious that they never bother to ask what I'm doing. Each class is an easy hour and a half sleep! The only class that I have to try hard for the teacher not to notice me catching some Z's is in band class. Since I am a tuba player, I wear a thick pair of shades and lean my head against the wall and my tuba. No one would ever know I was asleep. You are probably wondering how I get all my work done but it is a very, very simple concept. I pay all those nerds to do it for me!
I thought I could do this routine forever until........ the incident. It was 3 in the morning (while I was watching the tuesday night special horror film on t.v.) when all of a sudden I hear the click clack of footsteps coming down the hall. I quickly shut off all the lights and the Television before I realize I was not fast enough. My little five year old brother had seen me. From this point on I knew I was a goner. I wasn't sure if my dad was going to kill me for watching t.v. all night, my mom to kill me for not sleeping in my bed or for both of them to find out about how I sleep in class and get absolutely no work done. I was lucky if i got grounded for the rest of my life!!!
Of course my baby of a brother ran off screaming into my parents room, assuring me I was in for a major scolding. As my dad and mom slowly stomp in complete fury toward me, I cower back in fear of what's to come. Of course I was yelled at but after I had told them the whole story, they didn't seem so upset after all. They just simply said "Conquer your fears son and go kill the monster under your bed". So i set out to do what seemed to be the impossible......... I would take the life........ Of the monster under my bed.
I started to wonder "what would I have to use to kill a monster" or "how many bullets do I need" so I started to research on the wonderful Internet with these questions in mind. Believe it or not there was actually one website that had all the info I needed! It read: The best way to destroy a monster under your bed is to get a nuclear laser hypoactive conjunction blaster and evaporate it into thin air! All I have to do is save up a couple billion dollars and I can easily afford one of these laser guns! The only problem is how could I EVER afford that kind of money?!?! So I realized I am going to have to do this the old fashioned way......... Good old crowbar and a flashlight.
I slowly eased door open to my monster populated room as my shaky hand gripped the cold steel of a crowbar. As I slowly but surely find the courage to step foot in the room but I don't bother to flick the light switch on my wall. Out of the corner of my eye, among the darkness I swear I see a shadow scurry under my bed. My knees start to vigorously tremble and I say to myself over and over "It's now or never. It's now or never. It's now or never". I place each foot down separately and slowly so I assure myself I won't make a single noise.... Hesitating, I move as slow as molasses, lowering myself into a squatting position......As I drop my head to get a view under my bed, my eyes shut in fear of seeing a horrible abomination.......I open them just enough to see........nothing....... It's too dark. "let's shed some light on this situation" I think to myself as I slowly slide the switch labeled "POWER" on the flashlight. The sudden flash of light leaves me momentarily blind sighted and I have to blink several times before something astonishing happens.......... As my vision clears I see.................................NOTHING!!!!!!?
I admit that it was very silly of me to believe in some dumb old monster movie and to be so terrified that I didn't sleep in my bed for months..........but........ Have you heard of the clown in your closet..............................?

The Power Of Invisibility

With the power of invisibility there are endless and I mean ENDLESS possibilities. If I was granted with that much power I would already be half way to my brother's house! He has been scaring me since day one! Now it is time for a little revenge.......
The first thing I would do is find a the most scary mask you could even think of!!! Once I retrieved this guaranteed scary mask and a flashlight I slip into the door of my brother's bedroom. I wait for several minutes to find him slipping under the covers. Now is my chance. Being invisible I slowly creep up to the light switch......... Trying my hardest not to make a single peep.......... As I raise my hand toward the light switch I ready the flashlight in my hand...........................click................ The lights are out. Now is my time to shine. I slip the flashlight under my mask so the light pours through the eye holes and scream "OOGABOOGABALOOGA". His high pitch scream brings music to my ears and joy to my heart. My work here is done.
As I move onward to my next practical joke on all the people who have ever made fun of or bothered me, I realize I have missed one very important thing......... with this power I can sneak into a CONCERT!!!!!! I find the nearest, awesomest and best band playing. It was as simple as PIE! I easily snuck in and had a crazy time (those security guards are fun to scare). Now back to my massive prank. I was preparing to gather them into one massive room and dump a plane full of fire retardant on them but right when they were all in the room they saw ME. I was hiding in the corner when my powers ran out. The last thing left to do is RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Last Month Of My Life

As I look over the edge of the grand canyon I take several seconds realize that it might not be such a smart idea to jump over this large treacherous gap on my skateboard. Now I know you are probably wondering why I am doing something so dumb that could easily end my life in a snap............. BUT THAT IS EXACTLY MY POINT! I am expected to die tomorrow!!!!

This is probably hard to understand so lets rewind. A month ago I was diagnosed with a ridiculous disease called flamajamapajamagitis. This peculiar disease means that right when I am infected I have exactly a month and a half to live until my heart completely stops. I had absolutely no idea something like this would happen to me!! Then I realized why would I stay at home and live a plain, old, regular life when I could do all of the things I had ever wanted to do! So I then made a list of what are the most and least important things to do before I die. This list included all of the stuff nobody had ever dreamed of doing.

Well way back when I was on my first and least important thing to do I was yelling "YEAH!!!!! I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE FUN FOR THE REMAINING DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!! YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"So the first thing that I was going to do was visit the three cities: Venice, Athens, and of course Paris. Since I only had a month left to live I thought "boy I have to do this pretty quick". So I decided to Go to these places in for only a week. I had also thought "why not do some other things I wish to do in these cities?" I then easily bought a last ticket flight in first class (always wanted to do that!) and I was on my way to Paris.

It was an absolutely lovely time in Paris and I did many of the I had only dreamed of. I ate french cuisine, painted a picture of the Eiffel Tower and did something only a crazy man would even think about doing; wingsuiting. Probably many of you have not a clue of what wingsuiting is so I will explain. You strap yourself into a suit (hence the name wingsuit) that sorta makes you look like a flying squirrel because it has what looks like a huge flab of skin under the armpits that catches the air. You simply jump off a cliff and glide through the air along the cliff side. When you have had enough, pull the ripcord and float safely to the ground. Now who wouldn't want to do that!?!?!?!?! Now onto Venice, Italy!

It was even a nicer time in Venice! I got to do the two things I had always wanted to do since I knew they existed! Now the first thing I did was take a leisurely and relaxed ride down Venice's many canals and rivers. The last but certainly not the least thing I did was skydive. Now everybody wants to skydive am I right? Well this was not ordinary skydiving...............it was skydiving with all of m friends and family at the same time!!!!!!! And I mean all of my friends and family!!!!!!! There must have been at least five hundred people in the air!!!!!!!! Good times, good times.

The last stop on this crazy tour was the famous Athens, Greece. It was absolutely amazing!!!!! The food, architecture and activities were amazing! Enough said!!!!!!

Now you would think that I had, had my fill because I had done all those awesome things but I was just getting started. The next thing on my list was get fired.......You probably all think that this was a horrible idea but I have always wondered what it would reaaaally take to get fired. Don't you wonder to?? Well with my perfect resume (that I of course made up) I had easily gotten a job at a paper company being a phones salesman. Now for the fun to begin......I had done things from not showing up at work to yelling at my customer's "WHY WOULD I SELL YOU THAT!!!!! I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO SELL ME THAT!!! SO WHY SHOULD I?!?!?!?!" Those were all fun things but the best part about working there was the office pranks I pulled on my fellow workers. I once moved one of my friends desk into the bathroom when he was gone!!!!!

Within days I was fired so I trudged into the next thing to do on my list............ Escape Alcatraz with Noah McIntosh.

This idea was wayyyyyyy harder than I thought because there was one obstacle we had not thought of. Alcatraz is a national park so we would have to do something pretty bad to turn it back into a jail. We had thought of all of the worst things to do from robbing the biggest bank in the world from ALL of its cash to assassinating Barrack Obama. Since me and Noah are only twelve I don't think we would have the guts to kill someone so we went with option one: robbing the largest bank in the world.

We gathered up some really, really realistic toy guns an headed to the bank. It was pretty easy to rob the bank but when we were caught.........We weren't sent to Alcatraz.......We were sent to the highest security jail in the world. I thought we were gonners but when we were thrown into that jail cell we both knew escaping this jail would be as easy as pie. Since this jail was meant for full grown adults (and the creators of the jail were trying to save money) there were at least a half foot gap between bars!!!!!!! So when night came we inched our way out the window and headed back to our home in Peachland B.C.

That leads us up to exactly to right now at the grand canyon. I know this is a dumb idea but why does it matter? I did all I ever wanted to do! The real question is not why am I doing this....... But rather what would you do if you had a limited lifetime?

BREAKING NEWS: Lost Lotto Ticket

Now I know if you found a lost lotto ticket worth $TEN MILLION of course it would be the proper thing to return it, right? But COME ON!!!! IT'S TEN MILLION DOLLARS!!! THAT IS A LOT OF DOUGH! Imagine what you could do with ten million dollars!!! If I found that ticket i would shove it in my pocket and start saying "What ticket? I don't know what your talking about. I haven't seen a ticket. Nope no ticket ticket here. not at all. Lotto tickets? What are you talking about? I have no clue what you are talking about." Nobody would suspect a thing!
After that I would cash it and tell NOBODY and I mean NOOOOOOOBODY about the money that I found. First I would hire an army of ninjas (not to mention a ninja trainer who would train me) to do all of my biddings and protect me from anyone who wants to steal all my new money. After that I would buy my own undiscovered, deserted island and hire builders to build me a floating mantion in the clouds. After that I would easily buy all the electronics and what not i really wanted on EBAY. I could buy a jetpack, hoverboard anything! That would be the life......
There are endless possiblities of what to do! Now the real question is "what would you do? Keep it or return it?" (hint: go with option one)